Real Life No Filters

Most of us have only been home for a week. And that doesn't even mean we have been actually home. We still need to go to the grocery store, the gas station, or maybe the corner store or the park. Maybe you are like my family and you've designated one of the adults in the house to be the shopper... and the other stays home with the family? Maybe you are a single parent, and you have to take your child with you? So while we may feel like we have been completely isolated, we really have only barely been socially distanced... why then do I feel like I need MORE isolation? When I have pretty much been alone??? It's very confusing. We are used to being around hundreds of people a day. Some of us not by choice. But we are used to it. Now, we have had to adjust significantly. We are isolated, but not Home Alone necessarily. This is why I feel like I still need some distance. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️ While my other half goes to work, I am home, not alone, with two kids. I am mentally exhaus...

This morning started like every morning. The girls wake up slowly, I am groggy and making coffee. Everybody needs something different. But I need my 10 minutes of quiet. That doesn't work with a four year old and an 11 year old. There is no off moment, until they go to school. My younger daughter has a lot of spirit. I think that's the nicest way to put it. When she isn't feeling like she is heard or she is getting exactly what she wants, her reaction is to cry and scream, and honestly she it's pretty mean to the rest of us. Most times, I am able to deal with her and not raise my voice in the morning. We have our moments though, and today was a really bad one. First she threw her plate of a waffle and jelly because she did not want to eat it even though she had just asked for it 2 minutes prior. That meant sticky jelly all over. The mess, plus her crying and screaming really sent me over the edge. Usually these fits last 5 to 10 minutes. But this one overtook th...

About a year ago, my very best friend gave me a very curious plant. She asked me, "Have you ever heard of a Rose of Jericho?" Now I love gardening, and I love when others give me a little slice of their plant, and I can grow a new one. It's almost like having a piece of your person with you! My Grandmother had a true green thumb and my husband knows everything about plants and flowers! But, I had never heard of this one. This gift was so special. It's a beautiful correlation and reminder to those of us that struggle daily. This plant,  this tumble weed, survives.  No matter what. Bad weather? No water? Too hot? You forgot about it? You have a black thumb! (LOL) It looks completely dead?! But... it's magical.  It's strong. It's a spiritual force of it's own. You see, the Rose of Jericho, is a fighter. If I had to pick a spirit plant,  I'd choose this one. Every day,  I go on my porch and see this reminder. Even when it looks like the last brea...

Today has been what most would say is quite a wonderful day. Nothing bad happened yet...  I spoke to few friends and family, and although my daughter has a little earache and I kept her home today, we went for a really nice walk to the park. She's on the mend so I thought she needed sun and to get some energy out. Plus she's been asking repeatedly for 2 days to go. And this is where my day get's a little squirrely. I told myself I would take her today. I prepared myself mentally for going to such a fun place, as our Park next door. I didn't tell her we were for sure going, until I was ready to go. This was for two reasons. One,  simply because she's only four and if I told her we were going earlier in the day she would have been crazy. And two, the big chance that I might chicken out and not go. Yeah, I said it, flake out on going to the park. With. My. Kid. Why am I scared? Maybe scared is the wrong word to use. I know nothing bad will happen to me at the park...

For those of us, and notice I said us, that deal with anxiety and depression, there are times when we will do anything to feel better. A few weeks ago during one of the award shows, I was lucky enough to catch Demi Lovato's song, "Anyone". I feel very strongly that you should listen to it. If you are here you are here for a reason. This song spoke to me. I have been doing a lot of reflection over the last few weeks, and this song brought me to thinking about my past 20 years. How I cope, how I handled certain situations, thought about different situations that may have even been manic, and made worse by alcohol. I have an extremely high metabolism for my medications, but not alcohol. This has caused me quite a few issues and I am still learning how to balance, "socially having a few drinks", versus the "feeling" that I need to drink because I am anxious in the situation I am in. Of course I can't dwell or change the past, I can only learn from ...