I MADE myself do it
Today has been what most would say is quite a wonderful day. Nothing bad happened yet... I spoke to few friends and family, and although my daughter has a little earache and I kept her home today, we went for a really nice walk to the park. She's on the mend so I thought she needed sun and to get some energy out. Plus she's been asking repeatedly for 2 days to go.
And this is where my day get's a little squirrely. I told myself I would take her today. I prepared myself mentally for going to such a fun place, as our Park next door.
I didn't tell her we were for sure going, until I was ready to go. This was for two reasons. One, simply because she's only four and if I told her we were going earlier in the day she would have been crazy. And two, the big chance that I might chicken out and not go. Yeah, I said it, flake out on going to the park. With. My. Kid.
Why am I scared? Maybe scared is the wrong word to use. I know nothing bad will happen to me at the park. It's more that I have to get dressed and physically walk there. I have to leave my home. If there are people there I will have to deal with that. And what if she wants to stay too long and I am ready to go? Then there might be a meltdown.
This is where my brain went, once I decided I was taking my little one to the park! Ridiculous! Silly! Dare I say a little crazy?! WHY WHY WHYYYY can't I just take my kid to the park?! Ughhh...
So, for my daughter as we often do, I made myself do it. I told myself the whole way that everything would be fine and I told myself that I would not overreact to anything and I would make sure that she enjoyed her time at the park the best I could. I would not act irritable because I wasn't at home where I wanted to be. I had to do this for her.
Okay, so great! I overcame my issue and I left the house. Ugh. Whatever! I can't tell you how great it felt to walk back inside. To rip off my uncomfortable restricting people-pleasing clothing and put back on my amazing pajamas and robe! I'm still going to have the same issue when I have to go get my other daughter at school later today. The whole process will repeat itself.
Even though I know my brain is seriously not processing these situations properly, it's extremely hard to get out of that headspace when you/we have to do things, normal things, that you/we feel are a huge mountain to overcome.
If you don't have children, I'm sure you still have experienced this in some way with a loved one or a best friend. I often feel like if I don't pick up the phone or don't see my friend, they will totally drop me. Usually it's because I've been avoiding contact for a while. Not because I don't love them and don't want to talk to them. Honestly, I think about those people every single day! I love and miss them dearly! I'd do anything for them! Except maybe go out to dinner, or out of my house! Haha
I do show my love and support in a totally different way, that I am comfortable with, and that my friends and family accept, or have come to accept.
I will say this. I will no longer use this obstacle as a crutch. I will continue to climb that mountain, every single day. I hope you will try with me. And remember every little achievement is important! I will be putting down that I went to the park today as a daily achievement! I have started journaling those triumphs with some good recommendation from Friends, and it is truly helping.
At the same time as I will continue to push myself, I refuse to conform to what Society, or anyone else for that matter, thinks I should be doing. I will push myself on my own terms. That is the only way I will be successful and happy and able to take care of my precious girls and my hubby. And very importantly myself!
As always, I ask, if you have ever felt this way please share and comment below your experience or how you overcame your obstacle! Strength is always in numbers and support.
And this is where my day get's a little squirrely. I told myself I would take her today. I prepared myself mentally for going to such a fun place, as our Park next door.
I didn't tell her we were for sure going, until I was ready to go. This was for two reasons. One, simply because she's only four and if I told her we were going earlier in the day she would have been crazy. And two, the big chance that I might chicken out and not go. Yeah, I said it, flake out on going to the park. With. My. Kid.
Why am I scared? Maybe scared is the wrong word to use. I know nothing bad will happen to me at the park. It's more that I have to get dressed and physically walk there. I have to leave my home. If there are people there I will have to deal with that. And what if she wants to stay too long and I am ready to go? Then there might be a meltdown.
This is where my brain went, once I decided I was taking my little one to the park! Ridiculous! Silly! Dare I say a little crazy?! WHY WHY WHYYYY can't I just take my kid to the park?! Ughhh...
So, for my daughter as we often do, I made myself do it. I told myself the whole way that everything would be fine and I told myself that I would not overreact to anything and I would make sure that she enjoyed her time at the park the best I could. I would not act irritable because I wasn't at home where I wanted to be. I had to do this for her.
Okay, so great! I overcame my issue and I left the house. Ugh. Whatever! I can't tell you how great it felt to walk back inside. To rip off my uncomfortable restricting people-pleasing clothing and put back on my amazing pajamas and robe! I'm still going to have the same issue when I have to go get my other daughter at school later today. The whole process will repeat itself.
Even though I know my brain is seriously not processing these situations properly, it's extremely hard to get out of that headspace when you/we have to do things, normal things, that you/we feel are a huge mountain to overcome.
If you don't have children, I'm sure you still have experienced this in some way with a loved one or a best friend. I often feel like if I don't pick up the phone or don't see my friend, they will totally drop me. Usually it's because I've been avoiding contact for a while. Not because I don't love them and don't want to talk to them. Honestly, I think about those people every single day! I love and miss them dearly! I'd do anything for them! Except maybe go out to dinner, or out of my house! Haha
I do show my love and support in a totally different way, that I am comfortable with, and that my friends and family accept, or have come to accept.
I will say this. I will no longer use this obstacle as a crutch. I will continue to climb that mountain, every single day. I hope you will try with me. And remember every little achievement is important! I will be putting down that I went to the park today as a daily achievement! I have started journaling those triumphs with some good recommendation from Friends, and it is truly helping.
At the same time as I will continue to push myself, I refuse to conform to what Society, or anyone else for that matter, thinks I should be doing. I will push myself on my own terms. That is the only way I will be successful and happy and able to take care of my precious girls and my hubby. And very importantly myself!
As always, I ask, if you have ever felt this way please share and comment below your experience or how you overcame your obstacle! Strength is always in numbers and support.
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