Bad Parent Morning Guilt- Tears Were Shed
This morning started like every morning. The girls wake up slowly, I am groggy and making coffee. Everybody needs something different. But I need my 10 minutes of quiet. That doesn't work with a four year old and an 11 year old. There is no off moment, until they go to school.
My younger daughter has a lot of spirit. I think that's the nicest way to put it. When she isn't feeling like she is heard or she is getting exactly what she wants, her reaction is to cry and scream, and honestly she it's pretty mean to the rest of us.
Most times, I am able to deal with her and not raise my voice in the morning. We have our moments though, and today was a really bad one.
First she threw her plate of a waffle and jelly because she did not want to eat it even though she had just asked for it 2 minutes prior. That meant sticky jelly all over. The mess, plus her crying and screaming really sent me over the edge.
Usually these fits last 5 to 10 minutes. But this one overtook the entire morning from waking up, to getting in the car going to school. I couldn't take it after 15 minutes. I truly felt I needed to leave immediately. Escape, disappear, away from the madness.
She is 4 years old. She was so blood curdlingly loud. She was screaming so loud for so long, I literally worried the neighbors would be alarmed. She screams about the same things over and over again every time this happens. So it is a battle of will. If I give in to her, I can calm her down quicker. But then I am giving in to her tantrum. If I don't comply with her, I already know that she will continue to cry and it will escalate.
I feel guilty and ashamed of saying this, but because of my own depression this morning, I did not handle her as well as usual. I completely let her get to me and I started to get down to her level and was screaming and almost feeling like I was going to cry just like she was! I actually told her at one point to get the f*** away from me. I can't believe I said that. Mom fail.
The only thing helping me not to feel like the most terrible parent in the world, is that while we were in the car I managed to get her calm and happy again and she did go into school smiling excitedly.
This battle of will is something that we deal with everyday. Whether it is what she will eat or what she will wear or what she wants to do at the moment, what song she and her sister will listen to, Etc. My first daughter never did this, so I am unsure of how to navigate these Waters and today I definitely sunk the ship. (Or took it Wayyyy off course...)
I'll board the boat tomorrow, and I'll most likely feel like it's Groundhog Day... but like the movie, I'll try again and again every day, to have a better outcome, for both of us. Tomorrow WILL BE BETTER.
My younger daughter has a lot of spirit. I think that's the nicest way to put it. When she isn't feeling like she is heard or she is getting exactly what she wants, her reaction is to cry and scream, and honestly she it's pretty mean to the rest of us.
Most times, I am able to deal with her and not raise my voice in the morning. We have our moments though, and today was a really bad one.
First she threw her plate of a waffle and jelly because she did not want to eat it even though she had just asked for it 2 minutes prior. That meant sticky jelly all over. The mess, plus her crying and screaming really sent me over the edge.
Usually these fits last 5 to 10 minutes. But this one overtook the entire morning from waking up, to getting in the car going to school. I couldn't take it after 15 minutes. I truly felt I needed to leave immediately. Escape, disappear, away from the madness.
She is 4 years old. She was so blood curdlingly loud. She was screaming so loud for so long, I literally worried the neighbors would be alarmed. She screams about the same things over and over again every time this happens. So it is a battle of will. If I give in to her, I can calm her down quicker. But then I am giving in to her tantrum. If I don't comply with her, I already know that she will continue to cry and it will escalate.
I feel guilty and ashamed of saying this, but because of my own depression this morning, I did not handle her as well as usual. I completely let her get to me and I started to get down to her level and was screaming and almost feeling like I was going to cry just like she was! I actually told her at one point to get the f*** away from me. I can't believe I said that. Mom fail.
The only thing helping me not to feel like the most terrible parent in the world, is that while we were in the car I managed to get her calm and happy again and she did go into school smiling excitedly.
This battle of will is something that we deal with everyday. Whether it is what she will eat or what she will wear or what she wants to do at the moment, what song she and her sister will listen to, Etc. My first daughter never did this, so I am unsure of how to navigate these Waters and today I definitely sunk the ship. (Or took it Wayyyy off course...)
I'll board the boat tomorrow, and I'll most likely feel like it's Groundhog Day... but like the movie, I'll try again and again every day, to have a better outcome, for both of us. Tomorrow WILL BE BETTER.
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