Real Life No Filters

About a year ago, my very best friend gave me a very curious plant. She asked me, "Have you ever heard of a Rose of Jericho?" Now I love gardening, and I love when others give me a little slice of their plant, and I can grow a new one. It's almost like having a piece of your person with you! My Grandmother had a true green thumb and my husband knows everything about plants and flowers! But, I had never heard of this one. This gift was so special. It's a beautiful correlation and reminder to those of us that struggle daily. This plant,  this tumble weed, survives.  No matter what. Bad weather? No water? Too hot? You forgot about it? You have a black thumb! (LOL) It looks completely dead?! But... it's magical.  It's strong. It's a spiritual force of it's own. You see, the Rose of Jericho, is a fighter. If I had to pick a spirit plant,  I'd choose this one. Every day,  I go on my porch and see this reminder. Even when it looks like the last brea...

Today has been what most would say is quite a wonderful day. Nothing bad happened yet...  I spoke to few friends and family, and although my daughter has a little earache and I kept her home today, we went for a really nice walk to the park. She's on the mend so I thought she needed sun and to get some energy out. Plus she's been asking repeatedly for 2 days to go. And this is where my day get's a little squirrely. I told myself I would take her today. I prepared myself mentally for going to such a fun place, as our Park next door. I didn't tell her we were for sure going, until I was ready to go. This was for two reasons. One,  simply because she's only four and if I told her we were going earlier in the day she would have been crazy. And two, the big chance that I might chicken out and not go. Yeah, I said it, flake out on going to the park. With. My. Kid. Why am I scared? Maybe scared is the wrong word to use. I know nothing bad will happen to me at the park...

For those of us, and notice I said us, that deal with anxiety and depression, there are times when we will do anything to feel better. A few weeks ago during one of the award shows, I was lucky enough to catch Demi Lovato's song, "Anyone". I feel very strongly that you should listen to it. If you are here you are here for a reason. This song spoke to me. I have been doing a lot of reflection over the last few weeks, and this song brought me to thinking about my past 20 years. How I cope, how I handled certain situations, thought about different situations that may have even been manic, and made worse by alcohol. I have an extremely high metabolism for my medications, but not alcohol. This has caused me quite a few issues and I am still learning how to balance, "socially having a few drinks", versus the "feeling" that I need to drink because I am anxious in the situation I am in. Of course I can't dwell or change the past, I can only learn from ...

As I'm sitting here, I can't even remember the date that I created this blog. I remember feeling the same way I do now. A lot extra anxious, expecting so much of myself but needing a break.  Feeling like I need to be a better mom and wife, but exhausted mentally and physically... unsure if I can even do it. A little unsure of myself but pretty sure that I love writing. What was I unsure about? I don't know. Yes I do. Being open and vulnerable to strangers and those that I know? Even being open to myself is scary! You know that deep dark place in your mind that you're thankful nobody can hear? Well, unfortunately mine is pretty active. I would say overactive. It's never satisfied. It's always trying to take over. I heard once that only 4% of what we worry about in our entire lives might even come to fruition. That 96% definitely creeps into my brain more than I would like. Anyway back to the point. I think we receive messages until we learn them. I know we learn ...